With You!

I don't want to be alone under the sky so blue,

I want to be alone with you..

but I don't want to want this,

so I force myself to want to be alone and miss the bliss..

but then I don't want to be alone under the sky so blue,

I just want to be alone with you..

The Pain

It gets difficult to bear

When you can’t even shed a tear

When you have to stand strong

With no idea what’s right and what’s wrong

It gets difficult to stand

As you lose the touch of the hand

The hand that always held you in place

The hand that helped you win every race

It gets difficult to feel

When no one heeds to your repeal

When no one knows what was happening inside

When of your own happiness, you were denied

It gets difficult to see

As life passes by in a hazy spree

No one to stop and explain

What you did to deserve the pain

Spreading Spiritualism

jal ja jal ja ishq mein jal ja... jale so kundan hoe…

It’s all about dedication, sincerity and “madness”. Yes, you got it right, MADNESS. Let yourself be mad in love and for the one you love. This love can be for a human or for GOD!! Even if it is for a human, it ends up loving God as it’s said that ‘inside every heart resides He, who created the world.’ And loving Him is the final destination for our souls. The soul yearns for true love and to give it what it yearns for is the task of madness!

I had no idea what was waiting for me over there. I just dusted the rooms for my cousins to spend the night and leave for the function there. I was excited for several reasons but the one I’m writing about never crossed my mind. I was tired and dirty by the time they got near our home. I washed my face and was now ready to receive them. It was around 11 o’ clock and they stood there almost ready to leave again. And then came the news, we were leaving for the lovely place right then! I changed into my jeans and in about 5 minutes we were already on our journey. About 50 minutes of falling from left to right on the back seat took us to the holy ‘Ashram’ in the beautiful valleys of ‘Dharampur’. Pretty near my home but still I was unaware of its presence. We climbed up the stairs and were then ushered into ‘Maharajji’ ji’s room. It was an honor that he was waiting for us at this time (midnight). The calmness in his voice and face, took away all the discomfort of the journey and uneasiness of meeting him for the first time. We sat there, sipping hot milk and listening to him. I loved it when he said that ‘we serve hot beverages only to those whom we want to stay longer’.

The meeting ended as I took the last sip and we left for our hotel. The suite was big and ‘scary’ (for me). Three people slept on a single bed with the extra bedding lying empty thanks to the achluophobic part of me. I hugged my blanket, cuddled up and slept off with the meeting with ‘Swamiji’ and the expectations for the next day in mind.

Next morning, we woke up, got ready and rushed back to the ‘Ashram’ just in time for tasty ‘paranthas’ and ‘dahi’. Then we all set for the preparations for the evening.

By 4 o’clock, Divyanand ji, the next Guru (about 11yrs in age), disappointed with his visit to ‘Monkey point’, decided to go to Pinjore. I gave an idea and it was accepted so instead of going to Pinjore, Divyanand ji left for chakki mod with me accompanying him with few more friends. We bought a football on the way and took off. Chakki mod, a small river was totally dry, but thanks to Bharat’s newly discovered trekking spot, I was saved from his anger. We all trekked for around half an hour and reached our destination. Divyanand ji was delighted and played there happily. On our way back to the Ashram, we stopped over at Mc Donald’s and ate our burgers still drenched due to our water play at the brook. We clicked pictures, making cute poses and enjoyed a lot. Finally at the Ashram we had to get ready fast and I had to leave for the hotel for that. Luckily, I found Sidharth on his way to the hotel.

We came back to the Ashram in about half an hour and it was then that I realized that it isn’t until you reach your destination that you feel your real purpose of being there. And my purpose became pretty clear when I dressed up as ‘Gopi’ for the natkhat ‘Krishan’ ji’s raslila with our beautiful ‘Radha-rani’. Though we all were looking plumpy in the make-up and pink lehangas, it was an act to remember. Garima bhabhi as Radha and Charu as Krishan- an awesome couple was being eyed upon by Akash ‘ji’ :P. but unluckily only to be noticed by everyone other than Radhaji herself. Materialistically, it was an odd experience of Radha doing ‘ringa ringa roses’ with her own ‘saasuma’ (maousiji) and husband taking aarti of his wife and how to forget Radhaji helping Gopi’s to get ready! But spiritually, it was a beautiful act, which filled everyone with enthusiasm and filled hearts with unlimited joy. The Bhajan Sandhya ‘rocked’ everyone to the core. The night ended with dinner and tasty mangoes as sweet dish. We ate happily with makeup still sticking to our faces just like our smiles.

The next day started with Pravachan and beautiful bhajans by ‘Maharajji’. I helped as ‘sewadar’ for the ‘langar’. It was fun asking saying repeatedly “Kadhi Ramji” “Paneer Ramji” and serving ‘papad’, ‘puri’ and mangoes along with Bhavanshu was even more fun. It was great until he decided to give out ‘papads’ and asked me to hold the carton because then started the hilarious part. He would miss out every second person who asked for ‘papad’ and I would shout “Oye, idhar bhi!!”

After seva, we sat for our seva and ate with laughing bouts, all thanks to Akash Bhaiya’s “Sita experience”.

After lunch, we went into ‘Maharajji’ to meet him before he left for jalandhar. We had tea (again hot) in his room and he gave us ‘Prasad’ and t-shits. We all left with smiling faces and then Mom, masadji and renu didi left for home. We stayed back.

I went upstairs to see the ashram with Bhavanshu and we went onto the slanting roof like in movies (Main hu naa). When it was time for us to leave, bhabhi’s parents asked her to stop for the night and though she was hesitant she agreed and even bhaiya agreed to much of our surprise. Me and bhaiya left the ashram and while on way he remembered that the keys were with bhabhi. That was the time he realized that “she won’t be there whole day”. He called her up and asked her to come back home. She so happily agreed to it. We got together with Sidharth, Gaurav bhaiya and Neeraj uncle in other car. We stopped over at Mc d’s and also at a roadside spot for photo session.

The whole trip was awesome and full of unforgettable moments. I’ll never forget those hugging the front seat on the whole drive to Dharmpur, packing ‘laddus’, french fries poses at Mc Donald’s with Divyanand ji and friends, getting ready for the ‘sakhi’ role, the raslila, Bhabhi’s kurta, ‘langar’ fun with Bhavanshu, ‘khatti litchis’ by Sidharth, rooftop adventure with Bhavanshu, meetings with ‘Maharajji’, stop overs at CCD and Mc Donald’s, photo session near timber trail, Gaurav Bhaiya’s “gaadi side pe lagau” and shouts and finally teasing Sidharth for a sentence. So much in just two days!

This is what I call “SPREADING SPIRITUALISM IN A FUN WAY”!!

A Happy New Year Wish

As this year is about to end
And a new era is waiting round the bend..

I wish to thank those who stood by me night and day
And apologize to those I might have hurt on the way..

I wish to congratulate those who had a successful year
And encourage the ones struggling with some fear..

So best of luck for the paths you wish to tread
Wish you all an awesome year ahead..

A broken heart

I wish we could be near
But with you I'm eaten by this fear
The fear that some day you'll have to go
And my fate for sure I know

However much I may love you
Our moments together will always be few
And I can't help but imagine that day
The day when you will walk away

A broken heart will be all I'll have left
Standing alone, hurt and bereft

I know I have to stand tall and be strong
As I'm far beyond differentiating what's right and wrong
And I know I am not that weak
But when its about you chances of survival seem a bit too bleak

I wish you didn't have that effect
That when thinking of you myself I would neglect
And with you my happiness knows no bounds
And without you dejection is all that surrounds

But then I have to break your spell
And these feelings for you I have to quell
As I will fall from cloud nine
When you will no more be mine

And a broken heart will be all I'll have left
Standing alone, hurt and bereft

Is it them or us?

We were at the metro station and then she came. Just like us, she was also waiting to get onto the train. But unlike us, she was wearing a dress, sleeveless and not crossing the knees. She was a bit heavy for the dress too. It would be an understatement to say that she steered up a reaction. My thought was that it’s cold for the dress but well I know people who don’t feel that much cold and anyways how does it matter to me. I looked away, again concentrating towards the platform from where the train was expected.

Suddenly, I heard laughing and murmuring. I looked around instinctively and saw girls pointing towards her, murmuring some comments and then laughing without an effort to keep it down. Then, I saw guy standing with his mother, doing the same. Pointing and commenting! In response his mother also said something and they both laughed. A group of office-going men repeated the same ritual. Then I saw a man continuously staring at the girl as if she was just about to strip and he couldn’t afford to miss anything. Every person on the platform was looking at her! And as they eyed her and ‘judged’, I observed them, thinking who gave them the right to do that. At that moment, I so wished that the lady was doing some sting operation to expose the mentality people had.

The sad part was that not just men, but women too were against women! Some must be probably thinking that these kind of people get raped. Obviously, if a girl wears a skirt or shows off her skin then she deserves to be raped. Men are not supposed to look at them like humans and have values. Noone needs to teach their sons to respect women and always strive to protect them as it is the women who give them life. But instead a girl needs to be taught to be afraid, to feel like filth and dirt exposed and vulnerable. A girl needs to be taught her rightful place i.e. in the beds of more powerful men.

And if after this she gets raped then obviously she deserved it. She was wrong at thinking that she could be independent, work to feed her family, study to give meaning to her life, wear what she wanted and felt comfortable in and be fearless to face the society. She was so wrong and for that men need to punish her, being the just gods of earth. And the punishment is rape. Yes, a woman deserves rape! Atleast that’s what the policemen and many other elements of society who dictate how a woman should behave and dress up believe.

And please don’t tell me that a girl fully covered in a salwar-kamiz never had to face uncomfortable stares, a whistle or some cheap song as she walked on the road. Clothes are simply an excuse and we all know this.

Everyone has a right to be who they are and what they want to be. But only till you don’t harm anyone and this obviously doesn’t apply to people who decide to be monsters and rape innocent girls.

The question that arises is that how can people fight back for women if they don’t change their thinking. How can a policeman protect a girl wearing a skirt from rape if he believes that she deserves it? How can a society protect its girl child, if they believe that by some absurd law of nature women are inferior to men?

Also, I kept wondering that how could someone muster up the courage to force someone for such an act. Rape must be so difficult. Is it alcohol? But even that could be responsible upto a limit only. Then what gives them the courage to hurt someone to such an extent. And to think that these men will be out in the open again after some years in jail, probably even more frustrated and ready for revenge is scary.

And I don’t understand how a candle march or a black dot will help. But I won’t stop being optimistic as it might help to spread awareness. Though the question that awareness about still intrigues me? Do we seriously need to spread the word that rape is wrong? Doesn’t everyone know that already? Isn’t it something obvious?

Diwali madness or sadness?

This Diwali I found two reasons to be sad about. Apart from the fact that this might be the last Diwali I get to celebrate at my home before I set out for my higher studies, the other was obviously the crackers and the dense clouds of smoke they emanated. One is always tempted to burst a few of those nasty little things. But what do we get out of them other than just a few seconds of adrenaline rush? Have you ever asked yourself if it was really worth the tons of pollution we cause? 

One day before Diwali I went to see a cracker show at Chandimandir, Cantonment area of Chandigarh. The show was beautiful. Beautiful light and sparkles covered the sky. The officers continuously lighted rockets and other fascinating crackers and the effect was wonderful. Even I was awed by the beautiful scene they put up. But behind those lights, I could also see the ghostly smoke! It totally obliterated the fun of watching the crackers burst and hearing their exhilarating sound. And it only brought one word to mind, why! I still have no answer to the question that why are we doing this.

I don't know who to blame, the guy who invented crackers or the people who use them stupidly without thinking of what they're doing to the environment. Today, I was studying for my toefl exam and listened to a passage which talked about how Plato defined that a human soul consists of three faculties namely Desire, Emotion and Intellect. Presently, we've forgotten the golden rule of goodness which states that a soul is defined as being good when all three faculties exist in harmony. The intellect needs to control desire and emotion for that harmony to exist. Our desires and emotions have increased to such a level that our intellect has been fogged and is now being controlled by the desires. Truly, we're growing towards our own destruction. I don't believe in the Dec, 2012- End of the world theories cooking up but it seems that we humans are pushing our luck a bit too hard on this. From our behavior, I feel as if we ourselves want the world to end soon! 

What will you think about a little boy if you saw him deliberately picking up a vase and dropping it to the floor? Probably that he's either mad or gone rogue. Well that’s what I feel for us. I'm no different. Even I'm not going all green and planting trees, minimizing my use of paper or saying no to crackers (Oh yes!). That is the actual sad part. Just think how you'll feel if you got to know that the little boy was you. It is frustrating when you know you're wrong but still end up doing the same! 

My mother actually came up with a good idea. That cracker shows should be organized in all cities and individual sale of crackers be banned. But that needs effective implementation of laws and that seems far-fetched for our country right now.

But isn’t change supposed to start within you? Isn’t drop joining drop supposed to form the ocean?

So when will you follow Gandhi and ‘be the change you wish to see’?